Thursday, March 25, 2010

Rabies?

Can you get rabies from your girlfriend?

- granpasgurl07


Granpasgurl07,

There are so many questions I have. As a gurl of your Granpa, is this a friend who is a girl, or a romantic interest? How did your girlfriend get rabies? Why are you so concerned about it being contagious? How would Granpa feel if he found out his 07th gurl is hanging out with rabid girlfriends? Typically I don't manswer questions like this, because usually these are the sorts of questions sent in by people who think I am affiliated with that pervy Manswers show on Spike (which I'm not). But this one was so ridiculous that I thought I'd give it a go, for two reasons. One, I wanted everyone to know some of the bizzaro stuff I get in my inbox. Two, it's not every day you get a question that involves Granpa, his gurl, her girlfriend who may or may not be more than a friend, the number 7, and freaking rabies. There is no doubt that this manswer will be going into the "I have no idea how to categorize this" label.

So, yes you can get rabies from your girlfriend, provided the following things happen: 1) she gets rabies from an infected animal or person, typically by said animal or person biting her 2) the fact that she was just snacked on by an animal or person is not enough to alarm her in any way, and so she opts not to seek treatment of any kind 3) some time goes by, wherein she goes crazy and starts foaming at the mouth and 4) you are not alarmed by her unusual behavior, you explain away her frothy mouth by assuming she just went to Starbucks, and you express mild shock when she bites you vammpire-style. In short, if both you and your girlfriend are stupid beyond words, then you can contract rabies from her. I shouldn't be so flippant, because according to wikipedia, 1-2 people in the US die from rabies every year. Maybe that's you, and your girlfriend. Granpa will be sad.

Really the person I'm most intrigued with in all of this is Granpa and the absent Pa. Perhaps if these male figures had been more involved in your life, you would be making better decisions about who you are hanging out with. I realize the rabid are people just like anyone else, and they need love and friendship too. But really, can you call yourself a good friend to another person if you not only don't help them with their rabies, but you let them give you rabies too? I blame Granpa and Pa for not raising their gurl07 to be more discerning when it comes to bite-induced infections. I also blame Twilight, because whether you are a fan of teenage vampire angst or not, I think we can all agree that rabies will only get worse as long as people are biting each other. There is a lot of blame to go around, but the lesson we can all take away is this: don't let people bite you, particularly people who you suspect might be infected with rabies. In the meantime, if you have a real heart for the rabid, I suggest donating to the Michael Scott Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race For The Cure.

Dr Awesome

2 comments:

A Christian Fundamentalist March 26, 2010 at 9:20 AM  

Ahahahaha!!

That truly is awesome. Now I'm curious about how representative this is of your email intake.

ObiWattKenobi March 27, 2010 at 12:00 AM  

I work in retail, and you'd be surprised just how many people are stupid beyond words.

  © Blogger template 'Isolation' by Ourblogtemplates.com 2008

Back to TOP