Old Spice

Dr. Awesome,

I would like to smell like pure majesty. Do you have any deodorant or body wash recommendations?

Tim, Chattanooga, TN


Tim,

As far as I'm concerned, there is only one deodorant or body wash option for any man who takes his manhood seriously: Old Spice. I have been a faithful old spice deodorant wearer for years. I've used their soap, their body wash, their shaving cream, their disposable refreshing towels, and now, their cologne. I firmly believe that Old Spice is the absolute manliest scent on the planet, and I literally bathe in the stuff.

Let me share a brief story. Typically whenever Mrs. Awesome sends me to the store on an errand and I don't want to go, I make her pay for it by purchasing something small that I think will be fun or maybe annoying. This past Sunday, my purchase was a bottle of Old Spice cologne, original scent. Here's a word of caution, guys...when you go up to the checkout counter to buy a bottle of this stuff, the cashier is guaranteed to jump over the register to try and make out with you. How Old Spice managed to bottle raw sex appeal in liquid form I'll never know, but they did. So just be careful. Anyway, I get home, and Mrs. Awesome says "What are you wearing?" Of course that's a rhetorical question...she recognizes it as the smell of desire. She tried to pretend that she didn't like it by asking me to wash it off, but I knew better. We went to a social event that night, and I knew I was a hit, because everybody kept staring at me.

My love of Old Spice starts with my granddaddy, Reverend Josiah T. Awesome. Here was a man who never even finished high school yet was one of the wisest men I've ever known. He worked long hours doing manual labor to provide for his family. He came from a different time in the South's history, so he could be a little bit politically incorrect at times, if you know what I mean. But, in spending time with him as a child, I came to recognize a very distinctive scent about him. It was confident, powerful, raw, vibrant, majestic...everything I wanted to be when I grew up. It was just pure MAN. Only later did I realize it wasn't just Old Spice, it was actually Old Spice mixed with body odor (since I think he might have just put on cologne instead of taking showers every day). Regardless, Old Spice original didn't just scream "This is a MAN," it kicked the doors in, beat you in the head with a 2x4, and made you cry for your mother. Now THAT is the smell I want. And I think that's the smell you are looking for as well.

Today Old Spice comes in a lot of different scents. You have Pure Sport, which is the scent of choice if you happen to find yourself in some sort of competitive endeavor and your opponent needs to know that you are going to force feed him his kidneys. There's Fresh scent, which is a little more non-confrontational smell that you can wear out on the town. Then there are several other situational scents, including Arctic Force (for when Santa is getting a little too big for his britches and needs to be humbled), Glacial Falls (for when a glacier is coming) or After Hours (a personal favorite). Of course there's also original, the multi-purpose scent that is equally at home in the Oval Office and in the Wrestling ring. Also, the deodorant comes in several varieties, including Classic, Red Zone, High Endurance, and High Endurance Red Zone. True story about that last variety...I got some of that one time, and after one application I was unable to sweat under my arms for three days. Even in the shower, water was beading up on my arm pits the same way it beads up on a car that has just been waxed. I believe that if a case of that particular type of deodorant ever fell off a boat, the ocean would dry up.

Anyway, Tim, I love Old Spice. Try it, and you will too. Next time you see that young lady you want to impress, she won't have to ask "what is that wonderful scent you're wearing?" Because she'll know...it's locked, cocked, and ready to rock...it's Old Spice Original.

Dr. Awesome